ethnocentrism: survival and preference

I often get asked the question of my nationality, if I ask the person to guess, I mostly get Hawaiin or some type of Pacific Islander, but once in awhile someone will think I am Hispanic or Portuguese or Korean. When I was in Indonesia two summers prior, a local who took me parasailing said he would guess Indonesian from my dark skin, and in the cafeteria just the other day, after being asked this by an exchange student from Brazil, he took his fingertips to his eyes and pulled the sides to slants, noting he recognized the oriental descent. I am, 1/2 chinese (from the daddy-o) and 1/2 filipino (mom's side). My parents were born in America, and I was born in America, so first and foremost, I am an American. I grew up with the culture, the government, the schools. Yet culture is passed on from generation to generation, it runs in my blood, and it defines my familiarites and my preferences. A huge part of me stems off my asian descent, and I am proud of it.

I learned in Sociology class, that the main objective and purpose of culture is survival. And in Anthropology class, we watched a video stating different views and definitions of certain general topics. One topic was art. And this made my heart dance. It said, in American or European culture, art is viewed as some painting or sculpture made by someone long ago in history, now hanging cold in a museum or gallery. In contrast, in asian cultures, like Indonesia, art is a means of everyday life. As the narrator said this, a man carved a mask, put it on, and then proceeded to dance a cultural dance to gongs and drums. From visiting the Philippines or Singapore, I realized so much more about myself and why the way I am. In the same video, it said, that on average, an oriental person will laugh in an uncomfortable or embarassing situation, as a European person will act mad or annoyed. Also, when I was in the Philippines, I noticed that filipino's sing at the top of their lungs just walking down the street. While these are minor details, I do happen to do all of these things, preferring art as a daily outlet of expression, laughing at everything, both joy and discomfort, and singing at high volumes no matter the location. I understand now, the psychological theory of the strength of genetics. We have the power to create our own environment, and our genetics shape our preferences. This shapes our culture. I love who I am and where I came from.

everyone wants to be found

There's a line in the film Lost in Translation that I carry around with me wherever I go, or when I'm indecisive, or discontent, or staring up at the ceiling from a hotel bed, or staring at the stars. "Does it get any easier?" "No. Yes. The more you know what you want, the less you let things upset you."

I was thinking of ways I could feel less disappointed at the status quo, of societies standards and sterotypes that are increasingly disatisfying. Like when a certain person seemed to imply that people don't make a real effort to spend time with someone of the opposite gender simply just for platonic friendship (really lame), and seeing soon after, that our friendship is almost entirely obsolete once he found a mutual romantic interest. While not long before, he initiated the facade himself, of wanting to get to know me, if only for (how i interpreted it) "friendship", that in itself surely would have sufficed, but now is meaningless. And also the fact that I am addicted to watching an empty-headed tv show, that seems to show its profundity of love, by saying, literally, "true-love" is finding someone who can make your palms sweat.

Feist has a song called "Family" -- and the chorus repeats over and over It's cool to love your family, it's cool to love your family, I know because I love them more and more. The verses are rather despondent, talking mostly of loss, but they seem to elevate a deep respect, and a deep love, one that took choice and commitment, promise, and responsibility. The kind I choose and would be honored to engage in.

ready, set.....wait

InTransit: What do you do with your wait? Relevant Magazine had an ad with this idea attached, being content with the timing of God's plans. I would further explain my situation, but I'd feel too ridiculous and pathetic to even start. Modest Mouse has a song, titled: "Heart Cooks Brain", and I'm just realizing how much truth it holds, and how, in my case, and with my personality, it hurts a tremendous amount. I woke up this morning, audibly repeating God's promises to me, trying desperately to convince my cynical heart to trust Him, to let complete service to my maker become my living, breathing reality. Patience is a virtue. So is contentment, and self-control.

I remember a certain discussion with a friend. He said, even being single, he was surprised how much he expends himself emotionally to anyone who evokes that sort of attraction and vulnerability in him. Aaron Weiss explains why he chooses never to marry, honoring the teachings of Paul (some say these passages of scripture are often misunderstood, i still think his thoughts are beautiful though): I see it as a sort of a concession I'll have to make if I don't have the faith to find contentment in my God alone. That I may need such a compromise seems likely, as I've always had a passion for that sort of union, and I get lonely. I don't so much mean sexually, but mostly I long for companionship and a deep friendship. If God is willing though, maybe I could find that in the Holy Ghost.