all the trees of the field will clap their hands

As I write, I'm in the maclab, and my advisor and past professor Linda Nelson just walked up behind me with the guest speaker David Klein for today's class in the CTC ampitheater, titled : "Design in the Real World" -- the classroom was cluttered with all design majors: industrial designers, new media imaging, graphic design, and a decent amount of engineers (whatever kind jason and richman are). He spoke of product design, mostly industrial - but Linda later (now) was giving him a tour of the maclab upstairs, and she passed by my computer, and I took off my headphones, that filled the silence with Joanna Newsom, just as she looked me in the eye. She introduced me to David:

"Now this here is Trina Yeo, she was thinking about being a design major, but wait, tell him what you are again?"
.......
"Oh. okay. pre-occupational therapy"
......
"Well the thing is, she's very talented, very bright, very driven. But I guess she can do whatever she wants with her life. She's capable of anything, really, but she really has the eye for design, so it's a shame and a waste really."
.....uh....?
"I'm just still trying to twist her arm."

Sometimes things like that make you smile, that somebody believes in your talent, and singles out your potential. Esp. someone legitimate. This isn't the first time she's approached me or said such things. Most of the time its mildly manipulative -- like the time she pulled me into her office and lined up all the class projects and critiqued them right in front of me -- not only the students artwork, but their own abilities, noting some as inferior (which I thought was a little rude and unprofessional. but whatev, especially because art is so subjective). But this only adds to the whirlwind of indecision. But I consider myself only mediocre at art in just about every medium (which is merely only a hobby to dabble in), but none of my friends (grew up in a small town and small school) shared the same interest, so it sort of set me apart, made me unique, but did not prove that I was extraordinarily gifted. It was an unnerving fear that if I were to try and make something real of it, like attend art school, that I would only have people laugh me in the face : what are you doing here? So that is why it's incredibly nice to have someone legitimate seemingly be so supportive of your work, even more so than your fellow students. Even if that is a little insecure and very selfish.

I was watching an interview of Bono though -- and they asked him what was more gratifying, winning an award for his outreach programs for aids in Africa, or winning a grammy for his music. He answered: music will always be my first love.

I used to feel aggravated and confined that everyone would assume that design is my only dream, and I'm somehow giving up my passions to study other subjects. I have other passions - do they not matter? Dreams can change, as well.... I used to want to be an olympic gymnast, or an investigative journalist. Dreams can always change, and a lot of times they do. People are always growing, always searching. But then there are those underlying desires, those things that you unconsciously love and fulfill by being who you are. Then it hit me, when Bono said that: design in my first love.


Does everyone realize that but me? And is that why they won't shut up?

btw leo (aka skeemer), i completely changed the content of this blog since after you commented (everything except the graphic). thank you for that though. i miss you. you're in my prayers ♥