"If we spend our time obsessing with the future or regretting the past, then we will never live. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow and yesterday cannot be changed." - Jon Foreman (from Switchfoot)
Just this Christmas break, I found this quote written on a journal I handmade from bits and pieces of other used books about 4 years ago (another obsession among many. picked up this habit from alane. have kept one since I was 9 years old). I had ripped out the pages from a book called "Iced" about a debauched drug addict (mainly because cardstock folded in half fit just perfectly) and had sewn in my own pages in the spine with clear fishing line. After decorating the cover to my liking from supplies from the craft store, I wrote this quote, written boldly and pasted to the cover, as a sort of reminder, serving as a guidance of perspective, on how I was to view life every time I started to write in this book.
I noted my own life as an emotional roller coaster, a slave to my heart muscle, and found it as providence to be reminded of this quote at this given moment. I'm always ruled by my worries, my heart heavy with the pain of broken relationships, homework that will always be there, friends, the boss, family depending on me. And what do you do when you feel your arms so far outstretched they are breaking, when you are being pulled mercilessly in every direction? You know, during dead week (week before finals) I would wake up every morning at 2 am with horrible toothaches, and was highly medicated for the majority of it. I scheduled a dentist appointment for when I arrived home, and found out than an abscess had formed (or something weird like that) in my gum and I had to have a root canal! yuck! My dentist (who is a good friend of the family) said the cavity was very small and didn't know why it had reacted in such a dramatic way, and when further questioning revealed circumstances, he decided that academic stress had lowered my body's resistance (?) and resulted in 3 shots of anesthetic that made even the left lid of my eye feel numb! Anyways, the point of all this is, I clearly fret too much (and have medical bills to prove it). But how to deal with all this pressure? Apathy? Complacency? Surely the opposite end of the spectrum is not the answer (balance! balance! but how?) But I'm slowly learning to embrace my humanity, and stop trying to be a hero. I am not sufficient. But I am NOT called to be. But how does one choose their battles? How does one find balance? (and I think this quote was more about living one day at a time, but my mind goes off into every direction) I would like to end my angst and perplexities with another quote from Jon:
"I got alone with God and I was reminded of how we're NOT called to be sufficient. We're called to be completely dependent upon our Creator. The relationship that He establishes with us, I think we often tend to think of ourselves as growing and maturing in Christ -- meaning that we lean less and less on our maker. But in fact, it's the other way around."
Yesterday I went camping at San Onofre with the fam (San Clemente area). We had 2 small tents, but it had been decided that a few of us were going to have to put our beds elsewhere (aka outside). We stopped to see cousins (pre-camping trip) and they begged to come along with us, bumping the few unfortunate (aka me and mia) out of the reserved tent spots. My cousin Mia and I drug our single cot outside to sleep under the stars, waiting for the crackling of the fire to die-down and the darkest hours of night to come, so we could fully appreciate the stars in their clarity. I'm a sucker for wishing on stuff. The two of us together smashed into what we hoped would be the warmest sleeping bag, and awoke only a few hours later to feel my face being pelted with freezing rain, only coming down more adamant as each second passed, and were forced to relocate to our mini-van. (I also made Happy Book #2, and left it on the picnic table outside, which ruined a lot of the pages! no!) 
Contrary to popular belief, treena yeo is quite the meditative introvert. As I repeatedly voice my need to break away from routine, I thought I'd spend a day to re-coop, and search drastically for christmas presents that I have not yet purchased for the beloved fam. So I went to downtown SLO and indulged myself in home-ly activities that preventative college have deprived me from - sitting on the beach, going to a couple botiques, coffee, being in the bookstore, etc. The more I am away from home, the more I notice how amazing it is. Can you believe I drive by the ocean everyday on the freeway?! I was flipping through old photo albums and my hair used to be bleach blonde from the sun, and my skin the same color it is now, because when I lived in Laguna Niguel, my mom used to pull me in a wagon in Dana Point everyday to the beach and back home when I was barely learning to walk! I'm in love with the ocean, because that's where I grew up! Today was a good day!
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After a recent view of my own blogger profile, I noticed, that I've been a member since August 05 (and i just updated to beta), yet after deleting all of my posts this summer along with neglecting the 5 so blogs I used to so devoutly maintain, it's resulted (along with my current boring existence) in, having no more "blogger" friends. So, I decided its time for my own blogger renaissance/resurgance/revitilization of sorts. ha. how fun it is to try and hype up the humdrum of my dull life!
Today, I went surfing at Spyglass Park with my brother and Jacob and almost saw the end of my life. (it's pretty at sunset when there is no swells, yes? i took this picture maybe last year) And so I'm known to exaggerate a little bit (um. keity. don't even say it), but this experience caused me to genuinely feel as if this wasn't at all far from the truth. I could blame my fatigue on a couple of things, like post-exhaustion from finals, lack of sleep, the fact that I've sat on my lazy arse with a donut all through my school quarter, but the point that comes down to it, was that I was inhabited with absolute exhaustion as arm after arm penetrated the surface of the water, and I felt as if, I would try my hardest to just stay in the exact same place, if not in reverse. In other words, I couldn't paddle out for the life of me.
And after history repeated itself for what felt like hours, but was probably a good golden 20 minutes, I paddled back to shore, scared at the feeling of what I would do if I even tried to catch a wave out there, if I did eventually paddle out to the swells, because I have this fear of being slammed into the rocks (like a much milder blue crush on rocks instead of coral) and that I would eat it the second I got up anyways. Back on shore I had the feeling that defeat had become upon me in every sense of the way. So spyglass isn't your easy pier surf spot, but it's hard to accept when you're way out of your league, and nature seemed to make clear of this, which was in small ways, awe-inspiring, that I am so tiny in comparision to the vast and powerful ocean, that stepping into that element makes me only feel completely owned by every aspect of it. Tis' beautiful. It did make me feel better, when I got out of the water, and both Ryan and Jacob complained that they felt beat and hadn't caught a single wave either. But next time I might just stick to Pismo pier.
