defeat and new beginnings

After a recent view of my own blogger profile, I noticed, that I've been a member since August 05 (and i just updated to beta), yet after deleting all of my posts this summer along with neglecting the 5 so blogs I used to so devoutly maintain, it's resulted (along with my current boring existence) in, having no more "blogger" friends. So, I decided its time for my own blogger renaissance/resurgance/revitilization of sorts. ha. how fun it is to try and hype up the humdrum of my dull life!

Today, has been my first full day of christmas vacation. And it's been so incredibly nice to break away from the redundancy of college routine, studying, and the likes of killing yourself to live. First quarter of college is in the bag. yeehaw! I am ecstatic and so relieved. But I do miss YOU very much.

Today, I went surfing at Spyglass Park with my brother and Jacob and almost saw the end of my life. (it's pretty at sunset when there is no swells, yes? i took this picture maybe last year) And so I'm known to exaggerate a little bit (um. keity. don't even say it), but this experience caused me to genuinely feel as if this wasn't at all far from the truth. I could blame my fatigue on a couple of things, like post-exhaustion from finals, lack of sleep, the fact that I've sat on my lazy arse with a donut all through my school quarter, but the point that comes down to it, was that I was inhabited with absolute exhaustion as arm after arm penetrated the surface of the water, and I felt as if, I would try my hardest to just stay in the exact same place, if not in reverse. In other words, I couldn't paddle out for the life of me.

And after history repeated itself for what felt like hours, but was probably a good golden 20 minutes, I paddled back to shore, scared at the feeling of what I would do if I even tried to catch a wave out there, if I did eventually paddle out to the swells, because I have this fear of being slammed into the rocks (like a much milder blue crush on rocks instead of coral) and that I would eat it the second I got up anyways. Back on shore I had the feeling that defeat had become upon me in every sense of the way. So spyglass isn't your easy pier surf spot, but it's hard to accept when you're way out of your league, and nature seemed to make clear of this, which was in small ways, awe-inspiring, that I am so tiny in comparision to the vast and powerful ocean, that stepping into that element makes me only feel completely owned by every aspect of it. Tis' beautiful. It did make me feel better, when I got out of the water, and both Ryan and Jacob complained that they felt beat and hadn't caught a single wave either. But next time I might just stick to Pismo pier.